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From Self-Hatred to Self-Care
I just never thought it would matter - taking care of myself. I knew how to take care of others. But, no, not myself. The longer this went on, the more my awareness of myself as someone who needed care shriveled. I was fine. Except that I wasn’t. I was deeply damaging myself in private. And seeming fine in public. My anxiety and self-hatred became volcanic. And then I met Sarahjoy. Wow, to understand the roots of self-hatred and food compulsion! And, not just to understand it, but to learn how to become free! My first steps in self-care felt very awkward. But Sarahjoy’s guidance, step-by-step, along the way, I learned how to do it! Self-care became normalized for me! I now nourish my body, my brain, my mind and heart with a love and respect I would never have imagined.
Not the Rest of my Life!
I did not want to be lost in food and regret for the rest of my life. Nor did I want to be ruled by my unkind inner dictator for the rest of my life. But it had all become so habitual. Even when I planned not to binge, I found myself robotically doing it again. And again. My disappointment in myself was huge. Sarahjoy completely transformed my perspective on this whole awful mess! Then she showed me what to do and how to do it. The yoga tools have been profoundly life saving. Now I know how I want to feel for the rest of my life: Confident, Loving, Courageous, Capable, and Whole.
The Scale Cannot Determine My Worth!
I used to weigh myself daily, sometimes more than 6-7 times a day. It would start with restlessness, grow into anticipation, and, somehow I thought stepping on the scale was going to solve it. At least I would “know” if I was okay or not, worthy or not. It determined the course of my day, or my hour, and certainly my mood. I never expected it to get so out of control. I just wanted confirmation that I was okay or would be somehow. Yet, the magical number always eluded me. Working with Sarahjoy freed me from my scale and from the restlessness and anxiety that had compelled me to weigh myself so often, looking for an answer to a question I hadn’t even considered asking myself. (And that couldn’t be answered by the scale) What are my deeper hungers? How can I nourish those hungers?