Guidelines to Self Care
The “Sea of Needs”
Our cultural and media messages “tell us” what we “need” this time of year: certain experiences, certain emotions or feelings, and material possessions. We “should” feel this or that emotion, enjoy these kinds events, and buy these sorts of things.
Our personal current family will have its needs, including our friends, spouses, partners, or children.
Our family of origin may also have its needs. At times, those needs are presented as demands, disappointments, expectations, frustrations, or anxieties.
When we’ve had trouble identifying things like appetite, satiation, hunger, craving, feelings, emotions, or personal boundaries, we’ve likely struggled with identifying our needs. Ways this may present include:
- We may put others needs ahead of our own.
- We may be good at “need denying” behaviors.
- We may support our friends, work mates, even people who are learning from us, to create healthy ways to meet their needs. We support them to rest when tired, stop when done, take time off when sick, eat when hungry, and so on. Yet we may find this difficult to do for ourselves.
- We may reserve our needs for “later”. Yet, the postponement often doesn’t end. Until In this handout, I will walk you through how to understand your inner needs and how to make healthier choices when it comes to navigating your needs, amidst the sea of needs that flood in from others. You do not need to keep living with the banner of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. Identifying your inner needs is an important step in disengaging with patterns that were created a long time ago and seem impossible to change. find ourselves in behaviors we would rather not be doing anymore, such as bingeing.
Many women over the decades have shared how tormenting and taunting their inner critical voice can be. They often refer to it as their inner critic. And, frequently, we assume that it’s there to stay. There’s also an assumption that this inner voice is somehow helpful or accurate or has something meaningful to offer. But, this is worth questioning!
It can be hard to imagine walking through life without the incessant intrusion of an inner critic. But, it is possible!! You can learn to be on your own team. To develop a voice of Self-Kindness.
In this handout, I will walk you through how to update your Inner Critic, including how to push back when necessary and how to REWRITE a whole new inner dialogue. One based in Self-Kindness for your inner voice. Self-Kindness is not a synonym for being fake or passive or fluffy. It’s a real practice with tactical things you can do to shift out of inner criticism into inner kindness.
Holidays can be a time of joy and celebration, a time for family, friends and food. Holiday gatherings seem to bring people together. Yet for those of us struggling with food addiction, body image or emotional eating, these same gatherings can cause us to feel like we’re falling apart.
Family and food can be triggers, as can the messages that surround the holidays, which are often unhelpful, even provocative. (This counter-productive messaging is also common with weddings, family reunions, and other social events.)
Some of the most turbulent times in recovery occur during the holiday season —a mass-cultural phenomenon of overindulgence, disregard for seasonal health, and splurging with plans for atonement, a.k.a. binge now, diet later.
I have put together these guidelines to help you:
- Create a plan for self-care
- Check in with yourself and your needs before and during events
- Prevent situations where blood sugar and cravings take control
- Set and keep personal boundaries
- Maintain your health and well-being through the challenges of the holidays
This guide is designed so you can commit to yourself now, during the holidays, and not wait for New Year’s Day (or any other “special occasion day”) to care for yourself wisely and well.
Healthy Boundaries, Health Body Guidelines to Self-Care
Family and work-they help us feel a sense of purpose, belonging and fulfillment. Yet, for those of us struggling with food addiction, body image or emotional eating, the obligations of work and family become overwhelming can cause us to feel like we’re falling apart.
Family and food can be triggers, as can the messages that surround our responsibilities in society, which are often unhelpful, even provocative. Be a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter. You’re abandoning your child if you work. You’re indulgent if you don’t work. You have to take care of your parents as they age. You’re ungrateful and selfish if you don’t.
If you’ve been lured into diet culture one too many times, and you suspect there are reasons why it seduces you, try reading and applying these guidelines.
Free Yourself from Diet Culture Manipulation. Gain Control Over Your Relationship with Food.
Cultural Trance. When it comes to food and body image, countless people are lost in a trance. The way any of us thinks about food, dieting, exercising, and our body shape is culturally ubiquitous, media-driven, and insidiously embedded in our consumer mentality.
Reinforcing Fear Whether it’s dieting or body image (or myriad other places to focus our anxiety, such as money, beauty, having enough [this or that], accomplishment, or even approval from others), notions of gain, loss, reward, deprivation, accumulation, and fear are constantly reinforced.
Family and food can be triggers, as can the messages that surround the holidays, which are often unhelpful, even provocative. (This counter-productive messaging is also common with weddings, family reunions, and other social events.)